Ladies and gentlemen, abandon all your other endeavours! Forget diamonds, I have found it!
I have found the best possible return you can get on an investment, one that will give
you up to 100 000 percent return on your money.
All you need is a piece of paper and be in a position to offer a legally required service that no one else can possibly offer.
It is the beginning of the year and like most businesses I needed to renew my City of Harare health certificate (nice little paper that allows me to do business in the city).
So I sent for the application form (no it is not available online). It cost me US$20 to just get the form, a single A4 printed piece of paper. Now a piece of blank A4 paper costs less than two cents. This translates into over a 100 000 percent return. Even with the printing on it, it is unlikely that the price per sheet will come to more than 20 cents (and that is a very generous estimate), that is still a 100 times mark-up on the cost of the paper.
I am obviously in the wrong business. Not only that, after filling out the paper I was then informed that I would have to fetch the inspector and bring him to the premises to inspect them.
Let us pause and examine this once again, I have just paid US$20 for a piece of paper and I now have to fork out transport for the inspector to come to my offices!
There is something very wrong with this picture. I’m sorry City Council but I fail to see why you cannot take a few dollars from the 20 that I have just paid and send the inspector yourselves!
It is just wrong.
For those of you unaware of the process, once approved I then have to cough up the rest of the annual fee (somewhere in excess of US$300).
Now don’t get me wrong, I am happy to pay US$20 for a health inspection fee.
The way the system is structured, however, makes it look to me like I am paying an exorbitant price for a piece of paper. Perhaps paying for the form is to stop people walking into the department and picking up 50 application forms to use as free note taking paper at home?
I don’t know and honestly I don’t care. What I care about is the perceived injustice of the whole situation.
The fact that this is one of three statutory registrations I have to do annually in this particular field (one of them is a duplicate health inspection) is another bone of contention. But enough ranting about City of Harare et al, let’s talk about us.
Perception
It is what our clients think about us. It is what makes us pay US$800 for an unlocked iPhone and think we are getting the better part of the deal (well double that if you live in Zimbabwe, that is if you are crazy enough not to make a plan to get it outside the country).
It is why you shop at one supermarket and not another (because it fits your status and price level). It is why you have still not left the country in search of a perpetually “greener pasture” and rather rave about our weather and the benefits of cheap domestic help.
Perceptions are complex little things based on current and previous experience, and emotion.
I had blood tests last week. It took me three days to get the courage to go to the labs, simply because my perception was “needle equals pain”.
This was based on past experiences punctured by less than wonderful situations involving syringes and blood when I was 10.
My heart was racing as I handed over the form, my palms were sweaty and my throat dry and no needle had even been produced.
That is the power of perception - it is so powerful that if you hate needles merely reading my description probably has set off a sinking feeling in your gut.
Creating a positive perception in the minds of your client is important.
Fortunately, my bloody ordeal ended well, an ex-ICU nurse bled me with only a minor prick, I did not pass out and have recalibrated my perception (but only to that lab, mind you).
Imagine this scenario on renewing a licence/annual fee. A month before renewal I get a polite email reminder that the time to embark on the process is due.
It clearly outlines the next steps including the amount due. I can either log onto a website or visit the offices where I can fill in a free form and THEN pay electronically or in cash for my application fee.
This fee includes the cost of the inspector’s transport.
When he visits within the next week (after receiving an appointment notice from him so that I am present when he arrives) it is a pleasant experience pointing out areas I need to stay on top of.
I can then pay the annual fee via the website or through the swipe machine that the inspector brought along. Now for some parts of the world this is normal. If you are reading this from the USA or UK you are probably amazed that something so simple can go so strangely wrong.
Much has been said in the past about looking through the customer’s eyes. But we rarely do that in our bid to rip people off. If we do, it is likely that we fail to really see through the client’s eyes, we see through our own biased opinion.
It takes a lot of effort to step back, watch clients objectively, and change things to make a difference.
Planting secret shoppers and reviewers is one way of achieving this while hiring of consultants is another.
Simple cold logic works as well, it doesn’t take a genius to realise that putting products meant for the elderly on the bottom shelf where they cannot reach without bending down is rather stupid.
But none of this matters unless it results in change. Real meaningful change. Fortunately, I have to wait a year before dealing with the City Council again.
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